Dear lady that lives near me and always wears pajamas to Starbucks,
WTF. What are you doing? Every so often I go to Starbucks around 9 or 10 and night and see you roll up in your super nice car and hop out in full on pajamas. Bathrobe, pajamas pants, slippers, yes, you’re too busy to even put on shoes. Where has your self-esteem gone? You are well into your 40s if not cusping your 50s and you dress like one of those idiot college-age girls who wear pajama bottoms out because they think they’re being cute. Those girls are stupid too, but they’re in their early 20s and busy conforming with all their idiot friends, so in a way it’s forgivable, but you! Obviously you’re not crippled by depression because you can still manage to make it to Starbucks, so what’s your excuse for not getting dressed to leave the house? When I look at you I think, “This woman is a human train wreck,” and if a 30 year old woman wearing a cactus backpack is judging you, it’s time to reconsider your life choices. Here are some fun options:
- Put on some real clothes,
- Go to a Starbucks with a drive thru where you are embarrassing yourself a little less.
Update 2017: This post is now 6 years old and people are still freaking out over it. My “open letter” is just stupid nonsense, but seems to enrage people. Maybe [insert angry comment leaver’s name here] wears pajamas and yoga pants everywhere, and your mean (and oddly personal) comments are just thinly veiled insecurity. I will not validate you. Instead, I’m suggesting you calm down, and buy some actual pants. I will not give you permission to wear pajamas everywhere because you are not a child. Comments are now off.