We can not break bread with you. You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, and you will play golf, and eat hot h’ors d’ourves. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They said do not trust the pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller. And for all of these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground.
Thanksgiving! My favorite holiday and the Wednesday Addams quote above is still the best. I know a lot of people have been up for hours, but I still get a feeling of solidarity getting up at 6 AM to put food in the oven. My duties this year are only green bean casserole and macaroni and cheese, but the latter is more work than I’d wish on most. Oh, and something called hard sauce for my grandma, she’s British, perhaps obviously. I gave the cats Turducken cat food (yes, it’s a real thing) and now I’m drinking my coffee while the casserole bakes, after that, the real cooking begins!
Also there’s this olde school Thanksgiving card wherein turkeys don frocks and venture forth in a jalopy. Best holiday ever! Hope you all enjoy it as much as I do. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to find some pants with an elastic waist band. It’s what the founding fathers would have wanted …