Recently, personally, I’ve been struggling with the idea that everything I do in life must be aimed at functioning in our global community in a way that will allow me to continue living the way I’m living. AKA it’s all got to be for the cash monay. Harsh, yes? Totally harsh.
I was on World Famous Design Junkies (link to specific post now defunct, unfortunately) today and read the quote above. I’ve actually been struggling with this a lot lately too. I’ve just lapped a year of working at home, for myself, so I guess this is unofficial my New Year, a time to think about life, both the way I’m living it, and the way I want to be living it. Lately, I’ve found myself looking at my blog stats and thinking, “Oh my god, my stats are lower than they were yesterday,” and actually really caring about that, as if it’s actually important. It’s a day to day, limited reinforcement cycle, brilliant, really, but it’s like being underwater, when you come up, you realize that nothing you’re doing is really productive. At least not in a way that I count.
In a way, I think it has something to do with my age. I remember moving away to college in 1998 and having no internet access outside of the orange-text-on-black-screen email-only computers stations at my college library. The dozen terminals were more than enough for everyone who wanted to email anyone and there were no chairs, standing room only. I’d come home from class every day and work on my collages and zines, then perhaps once every six weeks I’d print my zine, give it out to some friends, mail it off to the few review zines that existed, and never give another thought to getting feedback. I definitely wrote more letters than emails and I think in a way it was liberating, I had no way to whore for instant attention, so I didn’t really want it.
The process of listing something online for sale goes something like: make item, take photos, edit photos, upload photos (private), list online, blog, Tweet, Facebook, Flickr, and LJ just to get it a decent amount of attention. It’s not really the amount of time it takes to do something, or the fact that you have to post it everywhere under the sun, but the reality that you might be putting more time into whoring yourself than you’re putting into actually creating.
– August 26, 2010